{not just a mama}

Days before kids - our engagement photo - 2004

This morning Danny & I dropped the boys off at Ginger's house & headed over to a friends house to go snowboarding up the mountain. Unfortunately there was a blizzard (a little underwhelming actually) last night & it was still snowing up Big Cottonwood Canyon. The road up the canyon is pretty treacherous in the snow & ice so we opted to give todays skiing a miss & try for Sunday instead. 

After a cup of tea & a cat fix for me (oh how I miss my Jettie!) we headed home & I launched into a cleaning frenzy that lasted a few hours. As I cleaned I pondered the feeling of freedom I feel on these days without the boys. It's almost as if I can go back to being me for just a few hours instead of the all consuming mind, body & spirit takeover that being a mother brings. I'm not sure that Father's completely understand the role that Mother's play. From that first moment of pregnancy, your body is taken over by a child that grows through all the nourishment & sustenance that you can provide. As your body grows & changes, so does the feeling that it is your own. Then comes the life altering act of labour where you emerge the other side changed, a different person & a different family. The foggy days that follow are a mix of mersmerising love for this new child & a body filled with aches & pains as it tries to adapt to a different role - that of keeping a baby alive through the milk that it creates within itself. What a wonder & what an overwhelming responsibility. Add to this a couple of other kids who have their own physical, spiritual & emotional needs its no wonder that I sometimes wonder where the old me has gone. 

So on a day like today, I am going to embrace & revel in my quiet, clean house & have a friendly visit with myself. Funnily enough I am looking forward to seeing my boys, the children of my heart, in just a few hours. 

What a creator we have...