Well this photo wasn't actually taken 6 years ago - more like 23 years ago by the looks of my age. This was taken on a family holiday to Byron Bay & we are waiting at the door to the lighthouse. I am not actually sure why... must get the back story on that. Mum? Can you fill us in here?
But I can tell you the reasons why I love this photo. I think it's mostly because I am in just the place that I always wanted to be as a daughter - enveloped in my daddy's arms. I was continually forcing my Dad to give me hugs to try & fill up my never ending need for physical affection. I don't quite know where this came from but am now at a place where I can just accept it as being a part of 'me'.
Today 6 years ago Dad died & God for reasons still unknown allowed it to happen. I think I am a little more at peace with it now than I was 6 years ago. As Danny just said to me "That's the grieving process I guess". I can't help but feel a little saddened by that thought. It almost feels like with each passing year we are losing him just a bit more. The pain isn't as raw but the memories aren't as sharp either. Very sad really.
So today is a new anniversary of the day Dad left this earth & I guess that part of the point is that I can stop & remember him. Mostly I remember the horrendous day of his death & the blinding emotions that went with it. That is not a good memory. So this photo helps me to remember another side of Dad - the father to some young children, much like where I am at right now. I wish that he was here to give me some of his wisdom. I'm sure he would have been disgusted at the thought of us moving overseas & taking his grandkids with us. Hmm... is it bad that I am relieved to have sidestepped that guilt? Not that I don't have it for the other 3 grandparents but Dad would have been much less accommodating than they are. :) It was just part of his charm I guess.
I love you Dad & I miss you everyday.
I feel the same way Allie. The pain isn't as raw and the memories and less sharp. A sad trade off.
ReplyDeleteI also note that I have a mullet in the photo. Not fair at all.
I was also letting you sit on Dad's lap as I had probably learned that you would always get your way somehow.
This is such a great photo and a beautiful post Al - sentimental me is wiping a tear or two from my eyes. Grief is one of those "taboo" subjects that I think our society is too closed to and there's a huge learning process to face when we grieve. Every day is a new day to learn something new in the processing of our losses but I love that it is the magnet drawing us deeper and closer to our Father's Love and through our loss we see more of who God made us to be... in His image. Sending a hug to you today xo Suz
ReplyDeleteI cant believe that its 6 years ago it only seems like yesterday when we rushed back from the west coast to see him one more time, and yes time does dilute the memories, sadly the good ones as well as the bad. Praise God for photos as they are our memory revivers! Allie, that picture of you is so like Nikita so she must have a few Moes genes!jp
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